CREDIBILITY IS SUCCESS : LCD Views‘ wish fulfilment correspondent has the scoop today on news that Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth (the second of her name) is busily rewriting her speech for this weekend.
The speech, in the works for days now, had focused on a national pep talk from the national matriarch. But events have changed the focus.
“She’s been dictating the new section all morning,” our royal insider reveals, “the sudden hope that Labour will stop being a student protest movement, run by multi-millionaire career politicians and a union boss with a flat in The Shard, who somehow managed to convince significant numbers of supporters they were out to revolutionise the lamb they grew fat off, and not just bleat from the sidelines while their social media outriders told anyone who critiqued their approach to F off and join the Tories, with an obsessive focus on internal purity contests, and actually fulfil its role of being a credible, official opposition holding the government to account, well this long sentence has Her Maj burning oil from midnight to morning. Much in the way her ancestors used to burn witches.”
And if the same long sentence has you tetchy, look up Corbyn’s history of tweets about “Jobs First Brexit” a “Brexit that protects jobs and rights” yadda yadda, and wonder why supporting the Tory’s hard right ideological aims, in the hope of somehow converting that into a socialist revolution, failed so miserably? A cold virus has done a lot more to win that argument.
“But this is a Star Wars‘ moment as Starmer sees the country’s auto-corrects tumbling all over Keri, we mean Kier, ffs! Keir Starmer,” the correspondent adds, “perhaps as a lawyer, and former Director of Public Prosecutions he maybe expected to take a much keener interest in all the blatant lawbreaking going on in government. Something his predecessor didn’t bother himself too much with.”
Good luck Starmer, you’re going to need it, rise to the challenge. Lammy, Cooper, Rayner, Phillips, Benn, Dr Rosena Allin-Khan, Kyle, Hayes, well the list of talents to fill the Shadow Cabinet with is long.
“He’s getting a good boost from the Queen at the start,” our correspondent finishes, “she’s going to use her speech to ask him to form a government.”