PART TIME PRIME MINISTER : Boris Johnson has issued a stiff warning today to the flaccid nobodies ruling Brussels over their plans to talk so endlessly he risks dying of boredom.
“There’s no time to lose,” a Downing Street source said, fleshing out the PM’s emperor’s new clothes approach, “there’s Easter holidays in a few weeks. The EU need to know they need to cave fast or face the consequences. Our new mega slogan, ‘Walk from Talks’ should hit them square in the short and curlies. They’ll see sense.”
Whether an additional slogan for the negotiations with the nerds in Brussels will be required to see out 2020 will be addressed mid-year.
“Basically if the EU hasn’t realised it will have a significant dry cleaning bill at the end of the year, if it fails to take the dark money setting the UK’s agenda of self harm seriously, then we may need a second slogan. We’ll assess this when the cliff edge is nearer.”
Some have suggested though that attempting to arrange the negotiations over the UK’s post Brexit relationship with the EU around Mr Johnson’s holiday schedule may cause some blowback.
“That’s because they can’t get their wooden heads around the reality of Brexit,” the source shrugged, “it’s a fascist leaning, dark money fuelled, feudalism fetishising project. It’s not the work of a responsible industrialised country governed by a sober representative democracy. Once they finally get it through their thick heads we mean business, we are prepared to starve our own population into submission, then maybe we’ll make progress. If they give us what we want the British people won’t suffer, too much, if they don’t? Well, we all know whose fault it is.”
We may have a part time prime minister, but the agenda is entirely sinister. Where will you be taking your summer holiday?