FOLLOWING A SOODOE SCIENCE : EDUCATION SECRETARY, GAVIN WILLIAMSON, previously only famous for selling fireplaces, and for being fired for releasing state secrets, now has a new claim to fame. He’s suddenly one of the country’s foremost virologists.
“Boris Johnson is a very forgiving prime minister,” an aide to the nonentity itself told LCD Views, “nothing stops you failing upward, so long as you blow his trumpet and back Brexit. This means Williamson was able to recover from what should have been a career ending incident. Just like Priti Patel.”
And recover Williamson has. He’s so hale and hearty he’s fit enough to threaten millions of parents with potential early death from Covid-19, by way of demanding pupils return to schools, irrespective of the management of Covid-19.
“It really will be very safe,” the aide continued, “all the schools will be outdoors. Plenty of ventilation. Also, we’re now trialling purposely infecting teachers with Covid-19. The ones that survive will be able to teach without fear of infection. We really have thought of everything.”
But how will the curriculum have changed, based on recent events?
“There will be a lot more to do with understanding of weather patterns, hour by hour. How to get up in the pre-dawn gloom. How to sleep two to a bunk in a dilapidated caravan. How to heal sharp pricks and cuts on your fingers. How to deal with your back breaking. A whole new range of skills will be learned by our country’s children, and with no chance of transmitting Covid-19 to their older loved ones, or younger siblings with compromised immune systems.”
What will the new curriculum be called? Something catchy? A three word slogan?
“Only two words,” the aide replied, “Fruit Picking. And it’s got nothing to do with Brexit. Just ask the MSM.”