MONEY AND TIME WELL SPENT : DOWNING STREET has responded to queries regarding the impressive timeframe in tracking down the Brazilian variant, and responded fast.
“Of course it took a lot of time. We just let it walk off the plane and through the airport and onto public transport,” a 10 Downing Street spokesmen revealed. “Do you know how many people there are in the UK? That’s a lot of people to check. A lot of doors to knock on and ask if the person with the dangerous new mutation lives there. Or they could be in a hotel. Or they could be mountaineering. Or they could be disguised as a newt. It’s not as simple as just controlling our borders.”
How many people the individual in question has passed the new mutation of concern to during in the intervening 10 days isn’t clear, as for 10 days no one knew where they were.
“We will find out in the next week or two after all the schools reopen at once. Happily we’re not testing staff and students before they return to in class teaching. That gives us an element of surprise and anticipation which should add nicely to what will be a fevered period in this nation’s history.”
But when pushed further, given that so far £37bn has been spent on Track and Trace, Downing Street did provide some welcome clarification.
“Look, have a heart. Dido Harding has spent the last two weeks re-tasking Track and Trace to find just the right nosebleed design of new wallpaper to keep Carrie happy at Downing Street. There’s more going on than just the plague. Sometimes I wonder if you people really have your eye on what’s most important in this time.”