The Royal Mint pleased large swathes of the spending public today with the reassurance the new £20 note will be made only from pectin and cocaine powder.
“It’s to save on the bitching,” G. Williamson, deputy head PR explained.
“You know what’s it’s like these days. You’ll always get the nostalgia heads being upset by any form of modernisation, but lately the country’s food choice lobbyists and recreational to extreme drug users have also being complaining.”
It’s believed the pressure from certain high profile cocaine users to ensure new banknotes are easy on the nose has been immense.
“Also the vegetarians. They get exceptionally cranky over the slightest bit of animal in any banknote they intend on ingesting.”
It’s hoped the changed recipe will mean that the new twenty, when it comes into circulation later this month, will blend seamlessly into salads and Friday nights.
“I’d be careful how many of them you add to a lentil stew. We don’t want people overdosing.”
But cocaine use advocacy group, The Campaign for Better Nose Garbage, was upset.
“As we understand it the new twenty pound notes will still not feature any of the famous South American drug tzars of the late twentieth century. It’s high time Escobar was featured on a British banknote to recognise his enduring impact on the UK’s social life and international trade in general.”
Inquiries over who the mint intends to place on the banknote have also raised eyebrows.
“Elizabeth 1st. That way people can have their traditional role models and we can do our bit to further equality in representation.”
LCD Views suspects they may have missed the mark with their choice, as detect more than a sniff of controversy to follow.