LCD Views’ arts correspondent was invited for a special viewing of the painting of the prime minister kept hidden in her loft since she first stood as a Conservative party candidate all those years ago.
“I was with a sense of giddy excitement that I mounted the shadowy stairs that lead up to Ms May’s loft,” Dr Art related.
“Many times over the years I’d heard whispers of the terrifying works of postmodern, neo classical, abstract, pre-raphaelite expressionism she purchases only to concern from the eyes of the world whenever a food bank is forced into tightened budgetary straights by austerity.
It is usual practise for such long established institutions to sell off some of the art on their walls and Ms May is said to be always there, ready to pounce on a collectible.”
But as Dr Art entered the loft, armed only with the moments of invented energy gathered since his creation seconds ago, he was met with a spectacle he had not expected.
“I knew the portrait that I was coming to see would look greyed and battered by her time as prime minister. I knew I would have to open the lid of a chest freezer and peer inside to see it.
I never expected her image in paint to look like Mr Osborne’s colorful and headline grabbing statement from a few weeks ago.”
Dr Art has labelled the picture ‘The Portrait of Dorian May’.
“As I stood transfixed the door closed behind me, the light went off and a voice began to cry ‘Help me. Help me. I don’t know what to do. You have to help me. It’s not only Brexit, George Osborne is coming for me.”