Credibility, a key member of any serving prime minister’s cabinet, has announced it has finally broken at a new location derivatively named “Patelgate”.
“I’m done. Look at my achilles heel? I’d call it my priti-heel now if I hadn’t already decided to name a bunch of different rooms used for unofficial meetings between Priti Patel and various Israeli government members Patelgate!”
Credibility went on to explain that Theresa May appears not to have learned from the experiences of her predecessors.
“You take Tony T-Bone Blair and David “The Wonder” Cameron, they knew when to get out of dodge. It’s before the proverbial hits the fan. Theresa? Goodness, she is holding onto my tail tighter than if I was a tiger!”
Unfortunately for the current prime minister Credibility’s tail is much like a small lizards.
“I’ve let the tail go my friends. Let it snap off so I can get away to live another day. It will grow back soon enough. But if I keep hanging about with Theresa while she politically dies her death of a thousand cuts, I risk having my very definition changed in common useage! I am not having that. I’ve made it too far to let a Brexit droid change me in the QED.”
Without Credibility by her side it’s uncertain how much longer Theresa May can cling onto that billion pound bung bought majority that allows her to stay at 10 Downing Street like the last guest at a wake for British democracy.
“If she’s smart she’ll get out now,” Credibility advises.
“Get out and get on the after dinner talk show junket circuit. IF the suggestion in the Jewish Chronicle article that she knew what Priti was up to is true, she won’t even be able to get a job propping up a bar as the pub bore.”
We’re pretty sure ATOS will still pass her fit for work as a barfly though. Repeatedly telling a disingenuous story of victimisation? She’ll be perfect at it.