The official spokesman for the Yaifo tribe phoned LCD Views via satellite phone this afternoon to express the tribe’s distress that Benedict Allen wasn’t able to find them and give them the latest cold and flu virus.
“We presume he flew to Papua New Guinea from Europe?” the spokesman asked, “in a pressurised aircraft with hundreds of other people from all over the world? That would have given him the best chance to catch the latest viruses that we don’t have deep in our jungle.”
The spokesman went on to say that they haven’t removed themselves from all contact with the outside world because they saw what happened to tribes that didn’t.
Neither did they worry about being harassed by well intentioned religious zealots from the West who believe changing all their names to ones from the bible and wearing ties would be better than whatever ancient traditions they are just playing about with now.
“It’s a real shame he couldn’t make it. I was hoping to see what an iPhoneX looks like and potentially get myself hooked on social media staring at a tiny screen all day posting my thoughts, rather than being so bored with trees and waterfalls and family members and magic and stuff.”
Maybe that helicopter could bring Benedict back and just drop him right on top of the Yaifo this time?
“Well make sure he is sneezing first. I personally have a sneaking suspicion that it was foreign bacteria or viruses that wiped out those Neanderthal once they reconnected with modern humans.
It would be good to see if a group of modern humans, only having been separated from the rest of the population for a few decades, would be just as susceptible?
Or if it takes tens of thousands of years and divergence genetically to do it? Mind you, the fate of “New World” peoples suggests it doesn’t take that long.”
Benedict Allen could not be contacted for comment, busy being irritated that people tried to rescue him when he was perfectly fine dealing with malaria in a jungle on his own without medication.
He wants to be left alone now, okay? Media types should probably respect that, rather than presuming he wants to talk to them just because he’s ignoring everyone.