The prime minister has moved this evening to shore up the position of her embattled Brexit secretary by clarifying that once they have successfully done Brexit the UK economy will cease to exist, so there is no need for impact assessments.
“Look, everyone knows David Davis is composed of equal parts piss and wind,” a surprisingly frank spokesman for Downing Street advised, “but that’s why he was chosen to be Brexit Secretary.”
They went on to illuminate that we’ll all be so busy trying to untangle the ever changing bluffs and excuses of Mr Davis that we won’t realise the clock has run out until the whole country falls off the famous cliff.
“Once we have successfully begun freefalling down to the glorious rocks of imperial nostalgia, in which Britain just bosses the world for their treasures, the economy will be finished. Thus, anytime spent on impact assessments would have been wasted.”
This makes Davis a visionary and an energy conservationist.
“We will easily be able to do any impact assessment after the impact and it will be a lot more accurate.”
As to whether or not the government has rigged select committees by loading them with useful idiots who will decide Davis is not in contempt of parliament because he couldn’t have delivered the assessments because he never ordered them made, is up to individual voters to decide.
“They should order an impact assessment on their chances of being re-elected after holding the entire country and its future in contempt,” LCD’s Democracy in Action correspondent suggested, before wondering how David Cameron is getting on these days in his fancy shed?