The Westminster bubble is in ecstasy today with the news that Theresa May, Prime Minister of somewhere, is to create a reshuffle minister so she can get it right next time.
“It’s momentous,” Brandon Lewis, recently promoted to stare angrily at social media told LCD, “she completely ballsed it up last time, but a new Ministry for Reshuffles will ensure she nails it next month.”
The new ministry, to be set up by Friday, will be a hotly contested ticket.
LCD asked Mr Lewis who was in the running for the top job?
“Michael Gove is foaming at the mouth for it,” Brandon replied, “to most people’s shock he’s only pretending to like animals and can’t wait to get out of the environment backwater.
But there’s a spare Johnson sibling floating around too, Crassius or Toberlone or something, no one has really heard of him. He might get it as part of May’s new blood strategy.”
But critics of the government have attacked the plan.
“Labour can’t support this additional expense at a time of national austerity. A billion pounds has been earmarked for this. That could be spent on planning for a jobs first Brexit.
I’m not even sure why we need a minister for truffles? It’s not like France is going to refuse to sell us magic mushrooms after March 2019.”
Other critics have pointed out that as this is already a government of clowns, you’d expect May to be able to juggle and shuffle already.
“I am personally for it,” LCD’s political watcher commented, “if this new minister can show Theresa how to actually sack someone, then the future of the U.K. is strong and stable.”
Legislation to establish the new ministry is expected to be tabled no later than Thursday, to meet the Friday deadline set by the prime minister.
In spite of their fierce criticism of the prime minister’s handling of the most recent reshuffle, Labour MPs can expect to be whipped in favour of the bill anyway.
“Reshuffle means reshuffle,” the Prime Minister will tell the house when she personally presents the bill, “and truffle means truffle.”