Exciting news for future generations of school children today with the announcement from the Department of Education that the Sun’s “Bayeux Tapestry” mock up is to replace all medieval history texts in post Brexit curriculums.
“It’s all the children of tomorrow will need to know,” Whoever is Education Secretary today told LCD, “it fits right in with the victors writing history. One of our guiding principles. It sits inside the will of the people very comfortably.”
The new units won’t be available to teach today, so anyone hoping to graduate from school this year will be failed and have to go back and retake the year.
“Any university history degree gained since British triumph in 1066 will also be null and void. Schama, Hughes, Starkey, they’re all going back to a comprehensive near you. This will better prepare them for when they do university again.”
To cement the fact of Global Britain’s victory over the EU at Hastings, the Sun has generously offered to send all leaders of the EU 27 laminated copies of the correct Bayeux Tapestry.
“It’s very kind of British Prime Minister Rupert Murdoch to make this offer. We would like to thank him from the bottom of our hearts.”
Not a very deep thank you then.
“We urge Macron to take deputy PM, Ms May’s, offer of setting up a conference call between her boss and the kingdom of France too. Lest he feel the lash of a sun flare. You can’t govern without the tabloids dictating your agenda.
Every school kid already knows that, thanks to the overwhelming mandate delivered by the people of Great Britain to cast off the shackles of the bloated and dying EU and seek a new future as a bold and confident outpost of the US and China.”
It’s believed the initial offer to Macron was the skeleton of Napoleon’s horse, but he politely turned it down, saying you better keep it for food after Brexit.