David Davis made Minister for Loneliness since that’s what Brexit actually means

The new post of Minister of Loneliness has been given to Brexit supremo, David Davis. He will act as an ambassador for loneliness during and beyond Brexit.

Many names had been considered. All had their merits. For example, Justine Greening was considered after running away from the plum job of Education Secretary. Opposing the government is tantamount to opposing the country, and is a very lonely position. Unfortunately that also makes Greening a traitor, and rules her out of contention.

Another possible choice was Jacob Rees-Mogg. His oddball personality and isolationist attitude are ideal attributes. However the fact that he has a wife and six (at the last count) children counted against him. Moggy must be knee-deep in nannies right now.

A left-field candidate was Theresa May herself. Frequently pictured alone, or hovering on the fringes, simply being an introvert is not sufficient qualification. She is also too busy (nominally) running the country. It’s lonely at the top.

All of which brings us to Davis. The affable, chipmunk-cheeked chappie is at first glance an unlikely candidate. His current job, though, is to push as hard as he can (bless him) to negotiate Britain out of a favourable trade deal and a benevolent trading bloc. It is the political equivalent of volunteering to do extra maths homework while the other boys play football. The more successful Davis is, the more alone he, and we, will be.

There is a very real danger that Brexit will mean Great Britain being marginalised and ignored. This country has revealed itself to the world as self-righteous and infantile. In this man’s world, the UK is all mouth and no trousers.

Brexit policy has been dressed up in fancy language, but there’s nothing underneath. Fur coat and no knickers, like a cheap slut. The UK may have to prostitute itself to survive.

And there’s the rub. Brexit may well mean that the UK becomes the lonely man – or woman – of Europe.

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