Sounds of alarm are mixing in with the screeching of high windows opening on the upper firms of futures brokerage firms today with the news that Brexit stocks have begun to slide after the company issued a series of profit warnings.
“It’s a bit of a pickle,” Brexit broker David Davis told LCD Views, “I mean, these profit warnings were top secret, we weren’t even supposed to show them to the shareholders.
I’m a little surprised they exist to be honest, I’ve been running around tell the world they didn’t, because I was so drunk at the time I was supposed to have written them, I couldn’t remember if I did or not.
I ordered every one of the fifty two people I gave a copy not to show anyone.
I’m buggered if I know how they leaked out? It’s not like we want to get people used to the idea little by little that they’re in for one god almighty shock. Definitely not the frog in the slowly boiling pot theory applied to running a country.”
It is to be hoped that stocks in whistleblowers are holding their ground, because Davis claims he will be hunting for whoever did it, once he finishes the latest round at the Commons bar.
“Don’t be silly!” He laughed back, in our face,
“Of course I won’t be looking for who leaked them.
I’m attempting to get to the end of the Brexit process without looking in the mirror.
It’s making shaving a bugger of a job though. Can you tear me off a few tabs of toilet paper? I think I’m cutting my own throat.”
LCD Views would like to reassure anyone holding Brexit stocks who maybe feeling anxious that there is nothing to worry about, these profit warnings are perfectly normal in modern Britain.
We advise you to hedge against any losses you may worry about incurring with Brexit by putting everything else you own into bitcoin and USD dollars together.
There is absolutely no concern at all that if Donald Trump is able to stack governance of the Fed across the pond with sociopathic idiots serving his simplistic understandings of global trade and diplomatic relations, and the interplay with financial markets, that this will in anyway cause a crash in the value of the dollar, once he is able to start artificially devaluing it, causing a pickle for the United Kingdom, as we pull out of the European Union to embark on a bold and triumphant global tour in a boat.
While stocks may go up and they may go down, Brexit stocks can only rise like Daedalus and Icarus. But maybe start stockpiling a little tinned food, just in case.