Junior partner in coalition takes advantage of clown taking media spotlight yesterday to meet with Arlene Foster

A strong and stable woman has taken advantage of the clownish antics of waffling foreign secretary Boris Johnson to have a secret meeting with her superiors in Stormont.

”I didn’t want to go on this team building exercise,” the woman told LCD Views, “they’re so bloody hard headed my bosses. I was worried they’d have me slithering on my belly in the mud under barbed wire. Or some other nonsense that will do nothing to help me reach my arms sales targets.”

A reasonable concern.

“Mind you, a blancmange on a train dessert trolley looks like a monolith next to me.

Do you like eating sweets on trains? Can we talk about transportation sweets rather than Northern Ireland?”

Still, it wasn’t as bad as she feared, one of her vp’s rambling about sex tourism yesterday as the future of Britain freed from the constraints of an overweening Brussels certainly distracted the media and the public.

”I hope I don’t have to talk to her again soon. Ever since I sold a controlling stake in my medium sized, family owned business to Foster and co, I’ve barely slept a wink.”

But luckily for her at least on one important and thorny issue her tough business partner is aligned.

”I do appreciate it,” Ms May winked. “She’s so easy on benchmarks for the Irish Border issue, she’s happy to pretend it’s not a problem either, so long as Brexit means Brexit, who gives a toss if a few cows get smuggled in someone’s front door and out the back of a house and across a line on a map?”

So when is the next meeting?

”I asked her about that. As her office in Stormont is currently closed due to some pickle over words that is just so boring to me.

But it seems so long as she gets to tell me what to do about anything that takes her fancy I’m free to get on with things as I see fit.

Is it normal to pay someone to take a controlling stake in your family business, or are they supposed to pay you?”

We left her to try and work it out.

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