A British woman now famous for pursuing a hard right political ideology is to publicly ask the German leader Angela Merkel today to ignore that she’s pursuing a hard right political ideology and tell the German leader she’ll take the blame when it all goes wrong.
“It’s going to go great,” one of the Maybot’s technicians told our tech correspondent.
“We’ve got the bugs out of the speech algorithm so we don’t expect Maybot to cough at any point.”
But what about letters falling down during her speech?
“Oh, we have been really careful to make sure no Conservative cabinet MP’s are involved in the set design over in Munich,” the technician reassures,
“so there shouldn’t be any of that. Besides, this is Germany, they will have double checked it a few times and not just thrown it up in a rush before getting back to the free bar.”
Plans to just have Theresa shout “DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH? I AM LOOKING FOR THE AUTOBAHN TO BREXIT” over and over were binned when it was revealed that Merkel knows exactly where the road ends and is going to do her best not to publicly embarrass May by mentioning it in public.
“I think the best touch is the flourish where our prime minister tells the German leader not to let political ideology get in the way of security, when it’s our prime minister’s newly adopted hard right political ideology that is the one which is putting people’s security in question.
It’s a doubly nice twist when you consider what happened the last time hard right political ideology was allowed to flourish unchecked across Europe. Coming from us it will make an impression.
And it’s the sort of inherent contradiction we love in the UK these days.
We reckon it’ll confuse the flying spaghetti monster out of the Germans, who are actually very logical, don’t you know? It’s part of divide and conquer. We’ve a history of being very good at it.”
And what new catchphrases will May reveal today to help solidify German support for Brexit?
”There’s a real sense the German people have united behind Brexit and are determined to make a success of it.”
Anything about Russia?
”Yes, we will warn the Germans that they will have trouble doing exactly what the Kremlin wants to weaken security in Europe if they don’t help us make a success of Brexit.
We’re going to build a way, don’t you know? That should go down well.
And we want the Germans to pay for it.”
And to end?
“The autobahn to Brexit has no speed limit, so strap in, strap on and let’s make a success of it.”