“Never attribute something to malice which can adequately be explained by stupidity,” the EU has responded with a German proverb to May’s call not to put political ideology first in negotiations.
“We’ve been having a lot of trouble deciding if they [Torykippers] are thick as mince, solely greed driven or actually a combination of both and taking the piss,” Angela Merkel told LCD Views, “we know now.”
Angela Merkel was speaking after British Primed Minister, Theresa May, gave a rousing speech to a packed hall of European leaders in Munich, Germany, yesterday.
“The tickets for this event sold like hot cakes,” Merkel added, “everyone thought here comes one of the hottest properties in British stand up comedy for many years, right here to where we live.
How exciting! Everyone knows only British people laugh. We were hoping to learn a few things.”
But it seems the crowd were at first despondent as the gig got underway and then just upset with May.
“She is pursuing a political ideology first and foremost, given that every single reason put forward for Brexit has been demolished, largely by her own ministers, what else is she doing? And she tries to switch it and accuse us?
She’s going to look pretty bloody funny in a few months time when we tell Scotland it can stay in the EU if it votes to leave the UK before the end of a transition period.
I’ll give you some divide and conquer.”
Indeed.
“And then to suggest that it will be our fault if we can’t agree new arrangements post Brexit on security cooperation? When she is taking orders from proof Victorians invented time travel and Arlene Foster? What the actual?”
And May’s best lines only made things worse.
“Those who threaten our security would like nothing more than to see us fractured.”
“Your prime minister actually said that right here in Germany to all the of the EU. She is doing the bidding of teenagers in bot farms in the Balkans, is she just really dumb or a wind up merchant?”
Asked for a response to the scathing critical review of her act, Ms May released the following statement,
“At least I didn’t mention the war. Do you know how hard it is for a Brexiter to not mention the war?”
Well, all that proves is that she’s not really a Brexiter at heart, even though she has the right amount of xenophobia in her little Englander bones.
May’s season on the EU circuit is expected to continue until the curtain falls in spite of poor ticket sales. She’s already writing her next show too, titled, ‘I did not! You did to!’, which is aimed at the Conservative Party conference circuit.