Sex tourist sues Welsh earthquake after the earth fails to move

Amorous explorer Betty Stoolittle announced her intention to sue the recent Welsh earthquake. She felt nothing; it was only later when she checked social media that she realised that it had happened.

“I was promised massive peaks,” said a clearly disappointed Stoolittle. “So I climbed on top of Moel Inahoel. I ached all over afterwards but the earth didn’t move.”

Then there were valleys to be explored. “Yes, Cwm Hither, Cwm Toobedd, Cwm Threetimes,” she moaned. “We went right to the end of the valley, but still the earth did not move.”

But the earthquake was the last straw for Stoolittle. “The earth finally moved and I didn’t feel it! That really put the anti into climax.”

She’s not the only one. “It’s a clear breach of the Trades Description Act,” said women’s rights campaigner Dipti Wick. “I’ve felt bigger tremors after my husband has had a vindaloo.”

In fact, the only happy people are the Health & Safety brigade. Instead of going mad and insisting that anyone within 50 miles of Neath wears six inches of protective padding, they have remained relatively sane.

Earthquake-oligist Rick Terscale put the situation into perspective. “Don’t forget this is Wales we are talking about, boyo,” he chided. “You are more likely to get bitten by a dragon than feel the earth move.”

“If Ms Stoolittle really wants to feel the earth move, I suggest she tries the Pacific Ocean coasts,” he continued. “The ring of fire. Though admittedly that isn’t to everybody’s taste.”

It’s all too do with tectonics and seismic activity, Terscale asserts. “Come again?” said Stoolittle. “Actually, once would be nice.”

Meanwhile, elsewhere the effects are still being felt. Aftershocks have allegedly been felt in some of the nether regions of Wales. Barry Island has been swamped by a freak tsunami, causing vast amounts of improvements to the residents’ lives.

Stoolittle is wasting no time in her quest to feel the earth move. She is planning an excursion to Digger World.

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