EU agrees guidelines for telling UK exactly what to do in the next stage of Brexit

The British political establishment was in a celebratory mood today, ably assisted by interesting interpretations on BBC Radio4 PM programme, as the EU announced it had agreed the guidelines for telling the United Kingdom exactly what it will do in the next stage of Brexit.

“Theresa May is bloody relieved I can tell you,” Downing Street insider Ms Getme Outnow told LCD Views, “she’s been fretting like mad that they’d keep her waiting till Monday and she’s just lost without EU setting out nice, easy to follow instructions for when and how she will concede and rub out her red lines. It’s nice to have a voice of sanity when you’re nominally in charge of an insane government.”

It’s believed the agreement on the guidelines will also give certainty to businesses of all sizes in the United Kingdom, anxious to know exactly when to strap on their parachutes as the UK’s combined political establishment hurl the country over the Dover cliffs.

“Let’s just hope no one brings up the Irish Border again,” Getme said, “because it’s bloody unsolvable. So we hope to take that little problem over the cliff with us.

That’s not to say the inheritance millionaires running England have an imperial mindset towards the Irish and couldn’t actually give a shit what happens over there.

They really do have a more compassionate state of mind. They anticipate the Irish buckling under and doing what they’re told by people like Rees-mogg. So it’s all going to be fine. Also, there is absolutely no threat to all the rights built up for the common man over the last several decades.”

It’s expected Ms May and her ministers will study the EU’s new do’s and don’ts for them going forward.

“I do hope their reading comprehension is better this time. The EU has essentially been saying the same thing for nearly two years, because they can, because they’re half a billion people almost and the most powerful trading bloc on earth. At least they’re staying polite. Which is more than we can say for Boris.”

Asked for comment on how Labour sees the latest development in the UK being lead like a confused and lost child to the end of its economy, a Labour spokesman said,

“Jobs first Brexit. Oh, and we’ve just sacked Owen for thought crime on Brexit.”

Jobs first Brexit continues to make about as much sense as Brexit means Brexit.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *