The government was under renewed pressure regarding its preparation for Brexit today after leaked papers revealed opening of Schrodinger’s Brexit box revealed a dead cat inside.
”It was ripe too,” a junior minister at DExEU told LCD Views, “I was personally against opening the box. The mystery was better. We had endless seamless and imaginative possibilities before us just so long as we had no grasp or knowledge of measurable reality.”
But it appears pressure from the Japanese over customs arrangements going forward forced the government’s hand.
”That’s not actually true. They have opened the box once before. David Davis and Theresa May opened the sacred box on Bodmin Moor shortly after establishing DExEU expecting to find essentially a treasure map to trading with the world and cake.”
What did they find instead?
”A very healthy cat with a very unique pattern. Blue fur with gold star patterns sitting on a pile of old newspaper cuttings from the first fifty years of the 20th century. It miaowed at them and rubbed its cheek against the edge of the box, singling a desire for a pat.”
What did they do?
”They were so horrified they closed the box and nailed it shut. I expect the cat suffocated sometime after that.”
But how had the cat survived that long?
”Probably because it hadn’t looked at Theresa May? We’re not sure. That’s a mystery.”
So why open it again now?
”They need answers and powerful ones and they need it fast. But it’s a dead cat in a box on a table now. Day after day. That’s all.”
Maybe they could learn something by studying the old newspapers?
”Now you’re just being silly,” the aide snorted, “not a single Brexiter is capable of learning anything from history.”