Economic health and safety experts have urged a product recall of Brexit Foods ‘Brexitella’ after everyone eating it except for Jacob Reeks of smogg got the runs.
“Who needs experts,” Mr Reeks of smogg asked rhetorically, while squatting with his trousers around his ankles and a jar of Brexitella in his ancient times medieval minded hands, over a map of the Irish Border, “experts ruin populism. This jar holds the taste of blue passports, in every single jar. Now please fetch my nanny to wipe my bum.”
But in spite of the insistence from the faux statesman that Brexitella is good for you, campaigners for better eating have pointed out the list of ingredients was bound to give everyone the shits.
The ingredient list is substantial.
Broken glass because all the jars are pre-broken before sale. Scat from various murky sources, some of them still to be revealed. It would be nice to know where Arron, take your law and shove it, Banks got his millions from in 2015. An escalating cost, even after you’ve purchased a jar and opened it. The future screaming of frustrated British youth while watching a whole continent of their peers enjoy freedoms a bunch of racist, nostalgia freaks and asset strippers decided to strip off them to make tax havens fatter. Electoral fraud. Foreign interference. Lies. Lies. More lies. A big red bus. Boris Johnson. The end of the manufacturing of any noticeable quantity and everyone on the planet thinking we’re a bunch of pillocks. The creation of extremes in British politics dominated by a faith driven mindset that sees all others as heretics. Continual economic decline. The blame game. The holding to ransom of millions of people who legally moved to the U.K., mistakingly believing the United Kingdom was welcoming them as family. A paralysed government, which may not in some ways be completely bad given the government is currently a bunch of people with Tory mindsets lifted straight out of the later Georgian period, but in the end, will ruin everyone hand in hand with the official opposition, which is completely useless because it wants Brexit too. And a disregard of the rule of law, which underpins prosperity in democracies.
There is more to the list. But you get the flavour of it.
“It’s delicious,” Jacob, the ’emerging markets’ specialist, oozed, “try it on a bendy banana. Maybe on an island jammed full of shell companies. Which sell shells!”
We asked our democratic health expert for their opinion, “Just don’t eat it. Return it. That’s our advice and our advice is good for you. Much better than a jar full of Brexit scat which will just give you the runs, even after you’ve decided not to eat it.”