LCD Views can claim success today in our first FOI request allegedly made by us to the Home Office with the release of papers admitting HMG has advanced plans to rename Britain just “it” after Brexit.
“It makes sense,” Steve Baked MP for Cocken-on-Womble, told us, hand delivering the papers to our floating office on a Thames’ barge in exchange for a bucket of American signal crayfish, “I’m going to hide these crayfish on the opposition benches. By which I mean where Ken Clarke and Anna Soubry normally sit.”
Wouldn’t it be better to boil them alive and eat them?
“No. The cannibalism starts post Brexit.”
So tell us about the plans to rename Britain and call it simply ‘it’.
“It will be in line with what most other nations will be calling Britain after Brexit,” Mr Baked said, “as all the brains will have leaked away by then. Mostly over to the continent, but I guess some other places too. We are lobbying to keep Britain as the official name on maps but the Royal Society of Cartographers told us to, I quote, ‘do one’, on that.”
It’s good to know at least some planning has been taking place for life after March 2019. Those tail back scare stories about Kent and food supplies have me a little worked up.
“Oh don’t let the changing of project fear into project reality upset you,” Steve shrugged, “no one left living on ‘it’ will have the cognitive capacity to understand how life has deteriorated anyway.”