Brexit minister Dominic Raab Monday confirmed that UK satnav systems will stop working after a “Hard Brexit”, unless the government manages to negotiate a special dispensation to continue using the European Galileo satellite navigation system.
“We paid over €1 billion as our share of the development and operational costs of Galileo so by rights we should be able to continue using it,” he said complaining that Brussels was invoking a clause in the contract for Galileo which blocks it from being used by most, but not all, non EU members.
“Norwegian fishermen can use it for hunting whales, even though Norway isn’t a member of the EU and Wales is, but after March 29th British minicab drivers will be forced to drive blind,” he said.
Raab accepted that after Brexit there are likely to be fewer EU nationals driving minicabs meaning there is a greater chance of drivers actually knowing where they are going without cheating.
However he warned that the government is considering taking retaliatory action such as removing all the road signs in the south east of England to confuse lorry drivers arriving from the continent, and painting fluorescent monster faces on the inside of the channel tunnel to scare arriving tourists.
“Fair’s fair..” he explained.
Raab also confirmed that road atlases based on Ordnance Survey maps, will continue to work, but those from continental publishers such as France’s Michelin, or Germany’s Euro Atlas will need to be destroyed as they are marked in kilometres,
“We will be arranging door to door collection, to prevent further possible watering down of our domestic mile denominated maps,” he explained.
Commenting on news of the satnav ban, prime minister in waiting Jacob Rees-Mogg suggested that this was just the sort of typical Brussels duplicity that had brought the UK to leave the European Union.
“How very dare they think that just because they have an agreement with us, they have the right to enforce it,” he purred, adding that Brussels may have inadvertently shot itself in the foot.
“They think they can scupper Brexit by endlessly wittering on about the Irish border – but without satnav no one will be able to find it – problem solved,” he smirked, oleaginously.