Downing Street refuses to confirm its refusal to confirm, its confirmation of a refusal

Ten Downing Street Wednesday refused to confirm whether it had refused to confirm something which may or may not have been a confirmation of a refusal to confirm anything.

Speaking to LCD Views, a spokesman, or possibly spokeswoman confirmed only that he – or indeed she – was speaking to LCD Views and declined to confirm any of the details of the conversation that may or may not have occurred.

“And by “may”, I am of course not referring to the prime minister, but of course you “may not” quote me on that,” he confirmed, or possibly she refused to confirm. Probably.

Refusing to confirm whether or not he or she was commenting on recent reports that the government is refusing to confirm whether it will allow MPs to see a full economic analysis of the impact of a “No Deal Brexit”, they, that is the non gender specific spokesperson, commented only that this was an issue on which they were unable to comment.

Despite of course having, by definition, already commented by refusing to confirm whether they were indeed commenting. Or not.

This veritable Olympic standard example of denial and obfuscation took place in the wake of a warning by UK chancellor Albert Hammond, that not only does in never rain in Southern California, but also that Brexit is a jolly bad idea which is really going to screw things up big style for rather a lot of people, and some, and we’d all be far better off forgetting the whole thing.

An issue on which the spokesperson was considerably more forthcoming.

“Fer fuck’s sake, if the analysis was even remotely positive The Prime Minister would be personally plastering the best bits across buses and driving round with sirens blazing, instead of dancing round Africa a like a demented teenager on her first half of cider,” they said reaching for their passport and air ticket and zipping up a small holdall containing large wads of 500 euro notes.

“Why do you think Nigel Farage has applied for German citizenship and half the Tory Grandees have buggered off to live in France – they aren’t stupid, ” they added.

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