Masochist May flies to Strasbourg so Juncker can tell her to bugger off

Prime-ish Minister Theresa May must enjoy being a masochist. Repeatedly banging her head on a brick wall has become her principal pastime. The only rational explanation is that she enjoys the pain.

May is flying to Strasbourg to try to negotiate more last-ditch amendments to her crappy Brexit ‘deal’. Sources confirm that Jean-Claude Juncker is savouring the chance to tell May to bugger off in person.

Like a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly, as the proverb states. May is expected to have used all the sick bags on her flight before she has left UK airspace.

Northern France is bracing itself for a shitstorm, as it is anticipated that May will also make frequent use of the aeroplane toilet.

So a haggard husk of a woman will arrive in Strasbourg, smelling like an understaffed care home and shrieking “You need us more than we need you! We have 65 million people, you only have half a billion, 65 is bigger than a half!”. To which Juncker will calmly reply, “Bugger off!”

At this point, the woman will happily depart, vomit-flecked and diarrhoea-spattered, back to London and home.

She will return triumphantly, step off the aeroplane and say “I hold in my hand a piece of lavatory paper. I believe it represents peace for our toilet.” While this will cause jubilation among the bedwetters and shit-stirrers, the truce will only last until Parliament again instructs her to return to Juncker, so he can, once again, tell her to bugger off.

How long will Grey May last? She has been elevated way beyond her ability because of the collective short-term interests of a bunch of greedy, immature posh boys. She knows that she is up to her neck in crap, but her lack of imagination leaves her with no idea about how to escape it.

Politics has gone fully reducto ad absurdum. Brexit will be proved by contradiction. Now bugger off.

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