LCD Views is going to break from our stock in trade of merely objectively reporting the news as we invent it by giving some unsolicited advice to the Tory Party.
Save yourselves by ditching Brexit and getting back to just having old fashioned, traditional sex scandals.
You like sex scandals Tories. MP caught with a bit of rough. PM banging a colleague. MPs at each other hammer and tongs while brandishing a riding crop. Get into it.
It’ll reassure the poor you hope to crush too. Everyone who isn’t filthy rich or on the way there believes toffs are perverts.
Damian Green apparently hammering away at youporn in the office? Not really going to reassure anyone now, is it. Try harder. Where’s the affairs?
Forget this ridiculous ballooning pork barrel and graft horrorshow of Brexit just so a dickhead with a nanny can allegedly cream off more taxpayer cash to allegedly shove in a dodgy Russian bank.
That’s not going to get anyone hard.
That’s just going to make everyone angry and angrier.
Where’s the Benny Hill music there?
And not only that, you’ve paralysed the official opposition. The old commies running Labour are so rigid in anticipation of a revolution now they can’t find the wit to oppose.
It’s not very good now is it. Our whole system is being broken by Brexit and the urge to shag the entire U.K. senseless with disaster capitalism.
I even heard a rumour you’re having to pay major businesses to hold their conferences in London now because no one really wants to be seen here anymore. We’re now so toxic.
So just put Brexit aside. It’ll allow you to respawn. Much as that isn’t exactly great, at least it won’t be Wrexit. Then enough young loons will think they can carry on pretending you’re not just a way of leaching the poor. You may even get a future that way. Your membership isn’t going to reproduce any other way.
So for the last time ditch Brexit. Have a proper old fashioned, headline banging sex scandal. It may even save the U.K.