EU to insist U.K. accepts four year Article 50 extension so Scotland, Wales and NI can escape the United Kingdom 

LCD Views has it on good authority (our own, we just made it up) that the European Union is to insist that the U.K. accepts a four year Article 50 extension when Theresa “all the cards” May goes cap in hand begging for a few weeks.

“It’s about time,” 19th century english nationalist JRM told us, “we’ve carried the celtic nations for long enough. I have found it personally quite uplifting the charity we have shown towards the ungrateful people of Ireland since we sent our first peacekeeping force over in the 12th century AD.  Et Latine lock carnes porcinas.”

But not everyone is pleased with the move.

The Mayor of London for one has blasted the EU’s attempt to resolve the intractable Brexit conundrum.

“London is out too sunshine,” Ray Winstone told us, in between filming the sequel to Gladiator (it’s being directed by Guy Ritchie and has Russell Crowe’s character revised as a Mockney currency speculator with a pink shirt and a pink tie, who’s a little bit handy with his fists), “you get old Barnier on the dog and bone and tell him I’ll be sending Danny Dyer around his gaff if he doesn’t wise up.”

Similar statements have been made by the majority of England’s cities.

“Not just the cities,” our secession watcher noted, “Cornwall is apparently building a wall across Bodmin Moor out of stone robbed by demolishing the second homes of wealthy south east englanders as we speak. They’re planning a federation with Wales and Gibraltar.”

Although already advanced in planning the moves for independence from England may not go as smoothly as the new nations expect as, after all, Theresa May holds all the cards.

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