Dominic Raab to dress as a Gumby after performance coach advises him be more authentic

Dominic Raab, front runner to succeed replica human Theresa May as the cruel alien overlord of planet Brexitannia, is to now dress at all times as a Gumby.

”Coming over as the intellectual equal to David Davis worked just fine for Dominic Raab with the Tory party membership,” our personal stylist reports,

“but if Dominic is to win the GE that will follow his moving into 10 Downing Street he’s needs to broaden his appeal to include people still members of UKIP. This is because, with Labour still committed to ending FOM, it’s clear the ground the two old parties will fight over is still the one flowered by the ill informed with ingrained prejudice. So far there has been no attempt by either party leadership to educate leave voters. It’s thought traditional British dress and speech patterns are the way to go if Dominic is to capture the all important swing seats.”

There’s no word on what else the performance coach has advised Dominic, so we can only speculate.

”They’ve probably told him to read the blurbs of books positioned as props in his photo shoots, in case some so called journalist tries to catch him out. Oh, and to study a map of Europe.”

Is this because he’ll likely be leading a land invasion of the continent in order to break the blockade of Dover at Calais?

”That’s always possible. Although probably so he doesn’t reveal just how disinterested he is in the actual detail of how the country he wants to govern functions.”

There are concerns of a security nature though? That Dominic may come under personal attack?

”Yes. He’s already having his lawyers prepare a restraining order to stop Uri Geller attempting to sabotage his bid for power.”

What could Uri possibly do to Raab?

”Raab’s a spoon. So work it out for yourself.”

*newspaper article image used in artwork in that tweet 😉

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