Department of Health rebranded Department for Stealth

Questions are being asked today over the Conservative Government’s governance of the NHS.

“What’s with the reference to genitalia with the Tories?” Health analyst, Mr Big Rooster-up wanted to know, “we had Jeremy Rhymes With and now we’ve little bright eyed Matt Handoncock? Of course the ‘on’ is silent in the pronounciation, but we all know it’s there. Are we going to get someone whose name is like Bottoms next? For trend and theme?”

Good questions indeed. But this vigorously healthy publication would rather be more highbrowed and focus on the rebranding of the health service.

“Oh, the change from Department of Health to Department for Stealth?”

Yea. A puzzling change that appears to have no medicinal value for the taxpayer at all.

”That’s easy to explain.”

Please do.

”Because it’s more fitting to the way the Tories are pursuing Health and Social Care. Since they were bafflingly returned to office, after Labour bafflingly refused coalition government with the baffled Liberal Democrats in 2010. They’ve been stealthily selling off the lot piece by piece. Now we’re all distracted by Brexit it can really ramp up a gear. Then once they make a success of delivering on the will of the people they can finish it off in a fire sale. It’s just sensible policy that benefits all.”

It’s a little premature isn’t it? Changing the name will just attract attention?

“Who’s going to call them out over it? They just privatised a blood delivery service to the tune of £14m, that a charity was doing perfectly adequately for free! Ha! What a laugh. The public is so stupid.”

I think the public is getting a little cranky over it.

“Oh? Well, the government better hurry up then and spend the health budget on preparing for another No Deal Brexit Theresa May will never do, just to try and blackmail MPs into voting for her deal.”

But who benefits from all this? It’s certainly not you and me.

“Speak for yourself. I’ve friends in government. Here, would you like to buy a knee reconstruction? It’s such a steal it’s perfectly free, when you take up my offer of an extended payment term on this health service loan to pay for it.”

My knees are perfectly fine, thank you very much.

“Well, why don’t you start saving for the day they won’t be.”

Because if I need help I’ll just go to the NHS. I’ve been paying into it all my working life.

“And you’ll still be paying into it, just like now, even when it’s no longer free…”

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