BREAKING : LCD Views can reveal that the new series of Game of Thrones is coming under heavy fire from critics and viewers alike for a lack of imagination.
“Clearly the writers haven’t lived under Theresa May’s premiership,” any universal credit recipient, teacher, nurse, EU27 citizen in the UK, or just any voter said, “did they even bother to look across the pond to Blighty as they were story boarding this nonsense? The Ice King broke through the wall here years ago in the form of a flabby pig fancier.”
Even the political scheming in the famous television series has left people feeling half fed.
“There’s way more scheming in UK politics,” an avid fan scoffed, “even inside the individual factions that are supposed to be warring for the throne against each other. They’re doing more backstabbing and fighting against themselves.”
The unwelcome interruption of realism into the television show will lead to a surprising gain for an unexpected party however.
Our television critic had this to say :
“A double gin and tonic and don’t give me that look because it’s not even lunch time yet.”
They also addressed Game of Thrones.
“The ratings for the BBC parliament channel are already through the roof. The failure of the producers of G&T, I mean GoT, hic, excuse me…right. Oh my God. Did you put lime in Hendricks? I can’t even get a bloody slice of cucumber in here? The conditions I have to work under, I tell you, bloody appalling. Anyway, where were we?”
Game of Thrones…ffs….
“Ah yes. The producers of the Parliament channel have plans over the Easter break to jazz up old Bercow’s speaker’s chair and not with hands. The next time you hear him shouting ‘Orderrrrrrrrrr’ at the collection of white walkers, people of the forests, would be dragon slayers and multi-millionaire, career politician, pretend international socialists, he’ll be on a seat Sean Bean made famous. Rest in peace Sean, in every film and television show you ever star in, ever, amen.”
LCD Views would like to encourage the makers of Game of Thrones to try a little harder next time.
Basically take whatever batshit crazy nonsense is rattling around the heads of IDS and Rees-mogg and put some wings on it. Then you’ll have a dark, dystopian fantasy where the powers of darkness and light battle in a war convoluted by the personal inadequacies and lusts of ordinary men, i.e., the experience of the modern Conservative government and an opposition that seems too divided and inadequate by half.
Winter is here, ruling at Downing Street, and it shows no sign of buggering off. May a magical power intervene soon.