PARTISAN BROADCASTING PARTY: Nigel Farage is reported to have a bad case of the willies today after the BBC announced it is to stand candidates in the upcoming EU elections with a pro-Brexit manifesto.
”How will he get free PR if the state funded broadcaster replaces their hourly Fartage promotion videos with ones for their own candidates?” our election strategist Bill Clinton (some relation) asked,
“it’ll be an uphill battle. All those £499 (a quid under the legal limit for declaring who the donor is- our democracy is being fucked six ways sideways daily) donations coming in via untraceable PayPal donations to Fuhrage’s limited company (The Brexit Party isn’t actually a political party) are supposed to pay for micro-targeted ads to bigots and Empire nostalgia freaks on social media, not for TV slots! It’ll ruin the business model.”
It’s a good question and one the BBC should answer. They’ve built Farage and they can break him, they seem to have no interest in saying.
But who will stand for election as a BBC MEP is a hot question too.
”Humphrys obviously. He’s the draw card. They’re putting him up against Widdecombe. Kuenssberg also, she’s to run against Andrew Adonis. He’s likely to endorse her, even though he has clearly stated opposing views. And there’s a few other names of massively paid individuals who have long forgotten their job isn’t to be a ‘personality’ but to impartially inform.”
Nicholas Witchell is another, he’s rumoured to have stolen the Queen’s EU hat and is thus a shoe in, assuming the Beeb run him in a remain friendly area.
But there’s another surprising initiative too.
”Although Humphrys is being stood individually, because they couldn’t bloody stand the ranting if they didn’t, and let’s not forget he’s positively lethal with a rolled up copy of The Daily Mail in his fist, the Director General has also chosen to stand the entire news service as a candidate. Radio 4 political shows will hope to see themselves elected to the European Parliament for the first time. Once there they’ll be very disruptive, mostly by proclaiming victory daily for far right parties and ignoring the greater left wing gains.”
But how will they work the full time job of being a news service and an MEP if they’re successful?
”The same way Farage does. By not turning up to work and putting bugger all effort into understanding their briefs, so a combination of his and their own in house style. It’ll be a breeze. And best of all their ratings will go through the roof, which is all that has mattered for Auntee for years now.”