I don’t get enough airtime, complains man on TV every single day

Airtime is vital, ask any advertiser. Any publicity is good, even if you are a dodgy secondhand car salesman. Or leader of a populist movement.

The man, whose initials are coincidentally the same as the proto-Nazi National Front, has had another meltdown. This happened during his regular slot as a guest on the Andrew Marr Show. The minute he was gently challenged, he launched into a perfectly scripted rant about how his airtime was being restricted. Live on national TV.

The man, who hates Europe but has a French name and secured German passports for his kids, is lying through his teeth and knows it. Once a salesman, always a salesman, he will say anything to close a deal. Put simply, he is selling himself, and using Brexit as his overpriced and unreliable vehicle.

The man of the people, who rubs shoulders with the likes of Donald Trump and has a chauffeur-driven car, feels his influence is diminished. He will not be satisfied until a news crew follows him around 24 hours a day, with interviewers telling him how wonderful he is. His ego could fill Trump Tower, and his tongue could fill Trump’s backside.

The man, who is prone to crashing aeroplanes, cars and economies, works so hard that he wants to be an MP as well as an MEP. His definition of ‘work’ starts and finishes with his election. Draw your salary, insult your employer, and return to public acclaim. If he is eighth time lucky, don’t expect him to fight your corner in Parliament, either at home or in the EU. The only corner he fights is his own.

The man, who has his own radio chat show broadcast five times a week, feels his message is not getting across. His almost permanent Question Time seat, his work for US network Fox News, and regular appearances across the mass media, are insufficient to whet his appetite. Either he has a whole bag of chips on his shoulder, or else he is a truly cheap, shameless, two-bit media whore.

It’s all a load of hot airtime.

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