Boris Johnson promises to make White Cliffs of Dover into British Mount Rushmore once PM

YOU’D HAVE TO BE STONED: [Potentially] the next prime minister of the United Kingdom, Boris Johnson, has hit the ground running in the Conservative Party leadership race, as he attempts to replace Theresa May as the lunatic running the Tory party open air asylum.

“He wants to chisel out his legacy at the start of his premiership,” a curvaceous blonde, claiming to be a Johnson campaign aide, told LCD Views, “most prime ministers make the mistake of waiting till they are near the end of their time to think about legacy. Boris is too smart for that. Look what happened to David Cameron? Danny Dyer has written his legacy, everyone now thinks of Cameron as the twat with his trotters up in a shepherd’s hut shed. Theresa May? OMFG.  Such a bonfire. Boris isn’t going to make the same rookie error.”

To avoid others writing his legacy it’s believed Mr Johnson is planning to carve out a symbolic statement that none will be able to ignore.

“The White Cliffs of Dover as so boring anyway,” the aide shrugged, “but once the many faces of Boris are chiselled into them, they will be an unmistakable picture of what happened to the UK in the 21st Century.”

In order to speed construction of the spectacle it’s thought Mr Johnson will declare a state of emergency once in Downing Street.

“Gove is right behind the idea,” the aide reveals, “Boris ran into him in a kitchen supply store while they were both shopping for leadership race tools in the knife section. They had a good chat about it. They really looked each other in the eyes, as neither was about to turn their back on the other. Boris said he would make Gove head of the project. Gove agreed readily, although he said maybe Rupert Murdoch should be on the cliff too? But they can settle that later. I don’t think Boris is going to go for that. He’s so many faces, you don’t need anyone else.”

It’s believed the money for the monumental exercise will come from the Brexit dividend.

“Don’t tell anyone, because I can’t vouch for this, but I heard he’s planning a windfall tax on the bank accounts of MPs and speculators who are cashing in on Brexit. He’ll give a symbolic pound to the NHS, and the rest will be spent constructing Mount Borismore at Dover.”

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