Trump signs executive order to put his face on Mount Rushmore

Donald Trump’s ego has often been compared to a mountain, but his latest move has proven that to be true in a very literal sense, as he has just signed an executive order to have his face carved into Mount Rushmore.

The announcement was made last night. In his statement to the press he said:

“Look, it’s time we updated some of our national menthol – uh, menu – uh, tourist places to be more in tune with modern times. Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Roosevelt, sure they were OK presidents back in the day but we’ve had better since then. Hey, you’ve got the bestest one of all right here right now, and it’s time we updated Mount Rushmore to reflect who’s the best president ever.”

When asked if he was planning to add his face from scratch or replace an existing president, he answered:

“Doing it from scratch would take too long, so we’re putting my face in place of Abe Lincoln’s. There’s a lot of good reasons for this, for starters he’s the one that I’m most like, and for another, someone tells me he was president before Roosevelt but comes after him on the cliff, and that’s just silly. So really putting my face over his would neaten the whole thing up so that the faces are in order.”

The fact about Lincoln being president before Roosevelt but depicted after him on the cliff may be the truest thing Trump has ever said, although even then he’s only using it to justify his own ego.

Rumours are unconfirmed that he plans to replace the other presidents’ faces with images of his own family, and even rename the monument Mount Trumpmore.

The original Mount Rushmore took fourteen years to sculpt. Given the complexities of the redesign, not to mention the legal issues, the resculpt may not be finished in Trump’s lifetime, making this project all set to be the biggest waste of time and money in the history of the world.

In another unconfirmed rumour, the engineers tasked with this project are apparently going to take their time in the initial design phase, and not authorise any physical sculpting on the cliff until Trump is absolutely 100% happy with the proposed likeness.

After all, nobody in their right mind really wants to ruin a national monument.

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