IF IT’S NOT BROKEN DON’T SHIRE IT: Emergency services have resumed their increasingly frantic search today for the wife of Tory MP (and leadership hopeful) James Brokenshire, who went missing during a photoshoot.
“We’ve narrowed the search area down to the kitchen counter,” the head of the search and rescue told a frantic LCD Views, “we believe she may actually have fallen into a giant coffee cup being used as a prop during the photoshoot.”
It’s thought the coffee cup was included in the photo to boost Mr Brokenshire’s credentials as a candidate for Britain and Northern Ireland, after Northern Ireland’s assembly broke under his leadership.
“At present a team is being assembled to abseil into the monumental item of crockery,” the search and rescue spokesman continued, “with plans to feed supplies of food and water into the mug for at least a week, while a rigorous search of many hundreds of square miles is undertaken.”
The prospects of recovering the Tory wife in one piece are good, as the coffee mug was believed to be empty at the time of photographing.
“At least it wasn’t full of liquid when she is presumed to have fallen in,” the spokesman said, “as she wasn’t wearing a flotation device at the time. There is a chance she was merely concussed during the fall and is even now shouting for help, but the distance between the impression given by the photo, and the one intended, is so great that no one has heard her.”
Mr Brokenshire is said to be resting with friends, who are attempting to piece him back together.
Earlier reports that the photo was actually of some aliens attempting to appear to Earthlings in a way they mistakenly thought was disarming have been discounted.
We wish them luck in the search. We are confident the lost individual will be recovered unharmed and be able to take part in the next photoshoot, where Mr Brokenshire will almost certainly be performing the patented Tory power stance.