Dinosaur says dinosaurs face extinction if they don’t deliver comet

JURASSIC PARK : A big blonde dinosaur has spoken today about the threat of extinction facing the dinosaurs.

“Like Theseus in a wool shop, aaaaaa, prevaricating over which ply darn to best make possible the exciting possibilities of the aaaaaaa, MAZE! The maze he is to enter within to face TOROS, baaaaaaaaa,” the dinosaur illuminated,

“all the while the minotaur waits, coiled like a serpent, with its talons bared like an unelected technocrat in Brussels, drawing up rules about the length and curvature of bananas….daaaaaaaa. So too must dinosaurs MAKE THEMSELVES GREAT AGAIN by seizing the right number of wraps per inch, or as the good shepherd himself said on the road to White Castle, let my people go free! So too must dinosaurs call down the COMET FROM THE SKY AND MAKE JURASSIC PARK THRIVE AGAIN. Unburdened from the costly red tape of overweening bean counters in aaaaaaaaaaa Europe.”

The dinosaur went on at some length then about how Churchill, faced with the Gordian Knot, drew strength from his time spent bricklaying to build a new knot from the pieces of the old. Before he circled back to the comet.

“Failure to deliver the comet to the Yucatan Peninsula will almost certainly mean the end of the dinosaurs themselves. The stegosaurus, the brontosaurus, the legosaurus, the humiliatosaurus, all have put their faith in us! The great carnivores of the age! To ensure the heavenly body meets with the atmosphere at terminal velocity and beckons in a new era of greatness, the like of which has not been seen since Boudicca first drew blood against the Gauls! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”

And he went on, tiny arms raised high, to demand again a proper comet is delivered from the sky and to claim only he could deliver the burning ball of rock and ice.

We asked our palaeontologist for comment on what was an enthralling, if at times completely nonsensical speech.

“None of it made much sense to be honest, the dinosaurs are likely going extinct either way, but they’ve a chance of longer term survival if they don’t call down the comet. Bloody, great, big lizards! I can’t wait to see the back of them.”

[Ed. some palaeontologist! We all know now dinosaurs were actually giant chickens! – we won’t be asking him for comment again]

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