HEADFUL OF DRUMPFS : The United Nations hit the news last September when it formally recognised the UK as the world’s first Idiocracy, and it’s back humming on the news wires today with the follow up announcement that the United States of America is now the world’s largest Idiocracy.
“It’s all thanks to President Donald Trump and the woefully sluggish and inadequate response of the American political system to the rise of the Drumpfster Fire in Chief,” UN specialist rapporteur for idiots, Professor Lord Givemestrength, told LCD Views today (it’s an exclusive), “no one is taking away the United Kingdom’s prize of being first, but it’s a minor player after Donald Trump’s press conference in Ireland.”
The recognition of the USA as being run by idiots shouldn’t be celebrated too hard however, regardless of the extreme lengths taken to achieve the gong.
“They’re exceptionally dangerous idiots, the people in the White House currently. The decision to cut funding to education, medical and recreation facilities for all the kids they’ve locked in cages underlines this in a way we can only hope history will damn with a massive shake of the head. It’s hard not to get away from the suspicion this is being done to cut off those lost kids from outside eyes. What will happen after that? It’s easy to feel a giant shiver running up your spine and just sitting there as a chill.”
Some however have criticised the decision, suggesting that North Korea, and other rogue states, would be more suited to the accolade, just through the sheer length of time they’ve been governed by maniacs.
“They’re so far playing Trump like a fiddle, so they don’t enter the running,” Professor Lord explained, “just imagine electing a guy who boasted about sexual assault, mocked disabilities and is kinda partial to white supremacists as your head of state? And then just let him tour the world actually talking for years afterwards? That’s a world class display of idiocy that only the UK is able to hold a candle to at present.”
There was a warning for the UK though.
“If you actually stop Brexit you’ll almost certainly lose your official title, you’ll always be remembered as the first, but you’ll go back to being a boring country working in partnership by and large with your neighbours and allies, which will be no bad thing.”
And if we don’t? And we Brexit and attempt a trade deal with the USA?
“Then you’ll be the worst dumbest idiocracy. I’d think long and hard about the path your leaders are taking you down if I were you.”