GOOD TIMES FOR ALL : Boris Johnson MP has launched his Conservative Party leadership bid today by throwing a bunga bunga party at a secret London address.
We spoke to one of the attendees to find out how it went.
“It’s still going on!” our source said, “it took me a little while to work out what was so strange about the girls in bikinis bouncing about the heated, indoor pool, and then I realised they’re all blondes!”
It’s believed the choice of a bunga bunga party to launch his bid was because it was most fitting of the kind of prime minister Boris Johnson promises to be.
“Everyone thinks he models himself on a fictional version of Churchill, and does a really shit job at it, but he’s probably really Britain’s Berlusconi! Given the chance.”
And it seems the party was, and still is, action packed.
“It’s not just blondes in skimpy gear,” our source reports, “the pool is filled with actual English sparkling wine! And there’s giant lego blocks. Tory MPs can sit back in their budgie-smugglers with a cigar and tell the girls to build things.”
Bridges are apparently the most popular choice, in honour of Mr Johnson’s famous fetish for proposing bridge designs.
“So he’s off the a rip roaring start. Deals are being done over canapes even as I speak. I haven’t seen any suspicious white powders though. It could be because the pool area is so wet, or just the general high moral character of the candidate preventing their use. It’s probably that.”
And has Boris made a speech yet?
“He’s too busy building a bridge. But he does randomly shout out tax promises for high earners.”
Where is he building his next bridge to?
“Nowhere. At least that’s what we hope! I’ve got to go. We’re about to play pin the tail on the donkey. One of the girls has just started chasing Boris about with the tail! It’s hilarious, for those of us invited. It’s great party and fair to say, just a little taste of what Boris as PM will bring.”
He’s started as he means to go on.