Straighten that jacket! Downing Street tailor releases design for next prime minister’s outfit

A STITCH IN TIME : GREAT suits Batman! Photos are emerging today of the new draft design for the outfit to be worn by the United Kingdom’s next, and almost certainly last, prime minister.

“You’d have to be Houdini to get out of it,” our dedicated follower of fashion comments, “and even he would have some trouble, given that the next prime minister will not only be in a straight jacket, with chains and locks around their limbs, but in a glass tank filled with water, dropped into the Thames off Westminster Pier, with a concrete block on the little door in the box to ensure they never get out of it. This is Brexit. This is the suit.”

But although appropriate to the situation the new leader of the country will find themselves in, regardless of who it is, critics have been quick to point out that more fitting alternatives should have been considered.

“What’s wrong with a classic Iron Maiden? People want to know,” our dedicated follower of fashion understands, “or the trolley and face mask get up favoured by Hannibal Lectre? Which is just as fitting for anyone that believes they can make a success of being Brexit prime minister.”

These are good questions. LCD Views believes that a stripped down design should also have been given serious consideration.

Because whoever is chosen to be emperor by the three old men, clinically insane and shouting at a dying shrub, that comprise the last Tory Party membership, that person will definitely be wearing the emperor’s new clothes from the moment they assume office.

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