WHAT HAPPENS AT AUNTEE’S : The BBC have deftly turned the latest criticism of their lack of impartiality down the legside for two today by coming up with an entirely credible reason for helping out Boris Johnson in a documentary.
“You’ve seen him, he always talks shit,” the editor of the programme in question explained, “so when I was cutting up the footage for the FCO documentary I had a lot of trouble picking out any individual phrases mumbled by Mr Johnson. It was a turd salad. That’s all he ever dishes up.”
The explanation is believed to be a credible excuse. Even the most in-depth analysis of Boris Johnson’s verbiage leads the most hardened feeling like they’ve been hosed down by an actual sewer hose. With a blockage. That unblocked. While you were being hosed.
”It wasn’t any easier trying to pick out an individual profane insult directed across the channel from his catalogue of xenophobic nonsense. It all just washes over you after a while, and then you need to shower. I’m surprised anyone was able to tell the turd moment was missing.”
Quite how the French will respond to the latest insult from a senior British politician is not certain.
It can’t help but burnish the most probable Prime Minister of Great Britain’s already solid reputation.
”They’ll probably fetch a cow,” the BBC editor mused, “watch out above as it flies over. British comedy classics from the past are a guide for how to deal with the Britain of today.”