BRING ME SUNSHINE : Hunt promises bigger navy to protect shipments of renewable energy

WIND, LIGHT, EBB AND FLOW : TORY LEADERSHIP (USING THAT WORD LOOSELY) hopeful Jeremy Hunt has promised a much bigger navy today in response to the rising tensions in the Gulf.

“The Iranians are likely to raid our sunshine,” he sighed, “we need to establish a ring of steel about the burning ball above. Much like we have to protect the endless shipments of dead dinosaurs we ship about the globe. The sun must be guarded also so its light can be gathered into panels before bad actors steal it on the way. I will match the billions spent guarding oil with the same spend in blood and treasure guarding the sun.”

But it’s not just solar energy that needs protecting in an area of rising global tensions.

“Wind too. We shall direct the RAF to patrol constantly to ensure the wind is able to reach our turbines. So too the tides. It’s a credible threat. Men from far away specially trained to ride tide stealing surfboards. Trident submarines will guard the ebb and flow when I am PM.”

It’s obvious that any transition to renewable energy sources will only lead to increasing tensions with the big oil states.

Boris Johnson wasn’t to be outdone. He matched Hunt’s promises with his own.

“Whoever heard of ships propelled by wind?” he shook his head, “oil is the future. More oil. Big, lovely ships full of oil in their bellies at risk of being blown up. And what’s better is it’s free! The dinosaurs buried it in the ground before they shuffled off the mortal coil. If everyone knows we’re prepared to go to war to protect dinosaur eggs there is no risk of war. It’s the future. It’s the only way to ensure peace on earth.”

He added that he would order the RAF to patrol the wind and get in front of it before it gets away.

“Endless risk of war is the only way. Renewables are so yesterday.”

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