TRUMP LA LA : News reports are fizzing on the wires this evening that a man caught at Washington DC airport with half a kilo of white supremacy under his toupee maybe a famous reality TV star turned political activist.
”The man’s hair was obviously glued on,” our airport security correspondent reports, “and it was so badly glued on he drew everyone’s attention immediately. It was an incredibly stupid attempt to smuggle so much white supremacy onto a plane.”
But it wasn’t just the ridiculous hair that drew the attention of law enforcement officers.
”He was clearly off his rocker,” our correspondent continues, “proclaiming loudly ‘I’ve the greatest hair. Just the greatest hair. Nobody ever seen hair so great. Here, just watch me tweet about it’ and other absurd statements directly contradicted by the naked eye. But when he started ranting at how people without pure, aryan hair should just get on a plane and go back to where they came from, well, the gig was up.”
The individual in question was taken to a secure search area, and that only made things worse.
”He tried to search the officers. He kept saying he was famous, he could do what he wanted. It was only the black strip of cloth that he had tied across his face that prevented his early identification.”
Apparently the eye mask was left in place as no one could stomach looking in his eyes, but the toupee was searched.
”It was grim. There were numerous KKK members jammed under there burrowing into his curdled, overheating brain. Some white sheets. Crosses. Petrol. Matches. Copies of memoirs by famous fascists of the first half of the 20th century. And just all sorts of racist garbage.”
He was caught tiny handed and bang to rights.
”The court of public opinion has already found him guilty,” our correspondent adds, “only the most pathetic of political leaders won’t follow suit. Men like Boris Johnson and Jeremy Hunt.”