The identity of Britain’s next Prime Minister will be known very soon. One of the UK’s major political parties is holding a leadership election. So is the Conservative Party.
Democracy means democracy, say the Liberal Democrats. Do you want strong and stable government with us, or a coalition of chaos with Boris Johnson?
LD insider Midler Theroad gave us a peek behind the scenes.
“The other parties tried to bury us under the car park of populism,” said Theroad. “But you can’t keep us hidden for ever! Keep digging that hole, and you will find the answer. And here we are! Return to conspicuousness, and prepare for government!”
Liberalism may have been buried, and reduced to the status of legend, but it is back and ready to rule again. “With a new slogan!” announced Theroad. “Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with EU!”
The Stealer’s Wheel folk-pop ditty is going to be everywhere this summer. Some modern act like One Direction will re-record it with the updated lyrics. Gerry Rafferty will be turning in his grave.
Win or lose, will the Lib Dems require the support of the other parties? “A coalition, you mean?” said Theroad. “We aren’t getting in bed with the Tories again, not after getting the clap last time, and Labour wouldn’t even entertain the idea back in 2010. So both will have to work with us, but we will be in charge. And anyone who mentions Brexit will be banished to the back benches!”
Jeremy Corbyn is believed to be forming a Labour government in exile in Islington (South Allotments). And Boris Johnson is gathering faithful Tories to his Real Conservative Party, which meets on an exclusive London dining club, 24 hours a day, every day.
There is a vacuum in the centre of British politics. And, as everyone knows, nature abhors a vacuum.