MOOD MUSIC : ‘I Predict A Riot’ – the Kaiser Chiefs hit from the mid-naughties is expected to return to the UK music charts this summer in a smash and grab on the No 1 spot.
The song, off their debut album ‘Employment’, begins like a tribute to the Dead Kennedy’s and carries on like Brit pop. It is said to be a guiding force in the ideas accelerating the conflagration of the incoming Boris Johnson government.
”We’re only going to be able to get away with distracting the plebs with waffle and dead cats for so long,” Satan, aide to Mr Johnson, explains. “ideally we’d go historic and have some games in an amphitheater. But while we wait for one to be built by the new Ministry of Big Big Bigger Infrastructure and Ideas, we’ll need to make do with some street parties that go totally out of control.”
It’s believed the only potential flaw in the plan is how to control the damage, but none of the disgraced former ministers and alleged crooks coming into Downing Street will be too bothered about that.
The bigger the damage to everyday lives the better the distraction.
”Ms May has done us no favours at all, Satan bemoaned, “her reckless decision to sell off the water canon Boris purchased as Mayor of London will make it hard for people to stay cool as Blighty’s cities burn.”
This may seem like a fanning indictment of the outgoing prime minister by a key figure in the new administration, but it’s likely to only be the first.
”It’s all May’s fault anyway. From the timing of triggering Article 50 and on. That was her job. To be the great pasty. Our job is to make hay while the country burns. Let’s just set light to the tinder austerity has piled up around Brexit.”