HOW VERY BREXIT : Arch-Brexiteer, historical curiosity and all round sinister stand up act, Jacob Rees-mogg, has moved quickly to stamp his mental boot in the very minds of the civil servants who now have to serve him. He’s done it by banning words.
Actual, traditional, English words.
Oh, and by ordering the staff to use imperial, because that’s going to show the EU who is boss, while simultaneously currying favour with the Americans, it’s presumed.
”We think in pictures but we express ourselves in words,” an imaginary Mogg told LCD Views, “and phrases of course. Resistance is futile, that’s a very nice succession of words. It is equal to ‘you will be assimilated’ in my affections.”
But some have queried whether he has the authority to do it, given it is thus planting his autocratic flag in the very minds of people who have to deal with the cavalcade of nonsense he will initiate, now he’s running government business in the House of Commons.
”Have they just? Which words did they use? We will ban those too,” Mogg smiled, “remain is clearly going on the list. Oh, and Bercow. But there’s nothing Orwellian at all about banning certain words.”
This assertion looks a little shaky, given he has also ordered staff in his department to call him Big Brother on all official communications.
But supporters of the modern Nosferatu has said there’s not a lot to worry about. Boris Johnson will clearly do all he can to avoid any business in the Commons. Maybe even trying to actually close it. So it’s nice to think double and triple checking their work to ensure compliance with Mogg’s arcane diktats will at least give his staff something to do.
”We would not want to be wasting hard earned taxpayers’ money with idle hands now, would we,” Mogg purred, “now to be sure to ensure all measures of members are in inches.”