EU KNOW I KNOW EU KNOW : Current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Arlene Foster, is to tell stand up comedy act which has exploded into a bonfire of political crap, Boris Johnson, that she wants the cash in Euros this time.
“It’s the smart move,” our temporary governments correspondent muses, “Boris Johnson is carrying on with the same strong and stable approach to government that Theresa May took, while provincial governor of England under Foster. So every time Boris talks pound sterling will dive. Which is intentional, most likely, as so many backers of Mr Johnson have wealth hoarded in offshore, foreign currency accounts. Euros is the smart move.”
It’s not clear how many Euros Ms Foster will demand in order to appoint Mr Johnson as the dirty cat box of Downing Street, but it may well be considerably more than Ms May had to pay.
“It’s just a good thing we had all those years of unnecessary austerity,” our correspondent says, “or the government wouldn’t be awash with cash for vanity projects, such as Mr Johnson pretending to run something.”
The Euros will be easy to supply however. Mr Johnson will simply have to uproot some of the roots left under the ground down stump of the magic money tree. Then he can take them to a bureau de change at an airport, turn the pounds into Euros and put the lot in a bag.
After the deal is done Mr Johnson is expected to stand on the steps of Stormont and give a major speech promising “strong and stable government, just like we have here in Northern Ireland under the Conservative and Unionist Party”.
The strong and stable will continue to be a catchphrase because he is just replaying May’s time as provincial puppet, but faster. Which is nice, it means he won’t last longer.