HOUSEKEEPING MONEY : Downing Street has refused to comment today on a leek from the Treasury which says it has ordered the Royal Mint to begin printing £1,000,000 notes.
“It’s just sensible forward planning,” a Treasury insider said, on the basis of confidentiality, “hyperinflation will make everyone richer, once No Deal Brexit has been successfully achieved. Imagine walking over to the off licence with a million pound note in your pocket? And coming back with change? By this time next year, we’ll all be millionaires I tells ya!”
The leek itself looked like the standard variety, green and white and stout. Although its presence in the office of a major international online and print powerhouse out of season signifies its importance. We should take what it had to say seriously.
As part of the preparation for the release of the new bank notes a competition will be held to choose who should be on it.
“This time it won’t be a famous British, historical figure of note for the quality in excess of their input to the country,” the leek advises, “it will be a rogue’s gallery of figures still alive to choose from. This will honour some of the people who are currently striving to make Britain great again.”
Boris Johnson. Nigel Farage. Steve Bannon. That little guy named after a Bank. All will be in the running to get their face on the first £1,000,000 bank note ever produced in the United Kingdom.
“I would personally give the honour to David Cameron,” the Treasury insider said, “as his contribution to the current state of affairs should never be forgotten.”