NO! NO! CUT THE YELLOW WIRE! NOT THE RED AND BLUE ONE : Downing Street has responded rapidly this morning to news of the loss of Brecon and Radnorshire in a by-election.
”It just shows how incapable of self-government the English region of Wales is,” Mr Slavering Idiot MP, speaking outside 10 Downing Street because Boris Johnson is hiding, said, “If they can get a decision as vital as this so wrong, well, what will they do when we start slaughtering their sheep in their millions on the 1st November? Probably think it’s a bbq?”
But it wasn’t all bad news for the Tories, with Chris Davies losing his 8,000ish majority by less than it was.
”It does provide partial proof of concept, in terms of standing a convicted white collar criminal for re-election as an MP. It gives many MPs in the party great hope that should, just blue sky thinking here, but should a similar fate befall them, they may get re-elected. No one gets hurt in white collar crime. Why shouldn’t a convicted MP be re-selected? A lowering of standards across the board is an opportunity for more to take part in our democracy.”
As to how the victory was achieved, by a remain alliance of smaller parties, working together to defeat the Tories, well, that’s nothing to worry about.
”That stuffs Labour right up too. In certain constituencies it could make them irrelevant, with their endless fenceposting, too. So we can call that a score draw and move on. Their social media outriders keep telling people who question their position to F off and vote Tory. It seems to be working. As our vote didn’t collapse and go to them. I’m happy with the result.”
How Boris Johnson responds will be key. Initially he’ll go through the stages of grief.
But how will Tory and Labour MPs in similarly marginal constituencies react?
”Everyone knows the real message of Brecon from the people is to get on and deliver Brexit,” Slavering Idiot MP added, “before we run out of enough useful idiot MPs to enable us to. The clock is ticking.”