LIE OR LIE : Temporary Caesar of the breakaway province of Littleus Englandus, Boris “Mentula” Johnson, has promised 100 days of “Do or Die” games to celebrate Brexit.
The celebration, said to be the brainchild of the unelected bureaucrat, Dominic Cummings, is planned to begin in the run up to the festival of freedom known as Halloween, carry on through the growing wish fulfilment of Guy Fawkes and continue into the New Year and food rationing.
Christmas will not feature in the festivities as it will be cancelled to help pay for No Deal Brexit.
”It’s really just to distract the plebs from the wholesale sell off of their state that will begin at the stroke of midnight on the 1st of November,” our games analyst, Mrs Gladi Ator reveals, “there will be prizes for everyone forced to take part. Insulin, which you can resell on the thriving black market. Bread which you can trade for clean water. Clean water which you can trade for aspirins. Aspirins which you can trade for tinder. And so on. It will all tie in seamlessly with the realities of the post-Brexit economy.”
It’s thought Caeser Johnson himself may even take part in some of the games.
”Chasing the Fillies, an aged old classic, will be Caesar’s jolly,” our specialist suspects, “with fruity blonde women rounded up from the general population and made to run around the amphitheater with Johnson in hot pursuit.”
But who is likely to perish in the games? Without blood and guts there won’t be mass distraction?
”The car industry. That’ll be the first to fall. Then the pharmaceuticals. Financial services. All the big beasts will go down. And best of all, the people have voted for it.”
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