INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE : The unelected bureaucrat Dominic Cummings, currently running the United Kingdom into disaster (because it allows Boris Johnson to have long naps?), has announced he has replaced Larry the Downing Street cat with a fluffy white Persian cat.
“It’s the will of the people,” a hungry and unshaven Cummings told reporters waiting outside his 10 Downing Street home, “and you ain’t seen nothing yet. Nothing can stop me smashing the establishment. I’m just going to keep coming up with ways to transform the country.”
Whether or not you think your elected representatives, or yourself, should have a say in these changes doesn’t figure in Mr Cummings mad scheming.
“I’m anti-establishment. I’m the anti-establishment maverick,” he added, “I’m a genius. But I’m too modest to say it. Well, if by genius you mean well funded manipulator and propagandist. I’m going to smash the establishment.”
By establishment he appears to mean representative democracy, regulatory safeguards and presumably the national health service.
“I’m anti-establishment,” he reiterated, “well, those parts of it that have grown out of all control since the Glorious Revolution of the 17th century. Look at my place in society? It’s born to rule. Parliament is an irritant that needs putting back in its place. I’m a genius. But I’m too modest to say it.”
But why get rid of Larry the mouser from Downing Street?
“He makes the plebs happy,” Mr Cummings spat, “that’s reason enough. But also, when I’m relaxing in the prime minister’s chair and dreaming up new genius ways to convince the great unwashed they want to smash those parts of the establishment that safeguard them from hard right moneymen, I want a pussy I can stroke. And Larry isn’t that.”