WORK LIFE OUT OF BALANCE : 10 Downing Street has had to cancel all staff leave out of a real fear no one will come back from their holidays.
The move, described as perfectly rational given the irrationality of the decisions being taken by the executive, it is hoped will prevent key insiders seeking political asylum in EU27 states.
Oh, and stop that young filly the PM has his eye on from taking work elsewhere.
”That’s because everyone is an enemy now,” an aide to the unelected bureaucrat PM, Dominic Cummings Esq, told LCD Views, “all those states that are forcing us into a no deal Brexit will be certain to try and lure away anyone weak enough to want food consistently this winter.”
Come to us we have food, that could turn anyone into a traitor.
It’a thought even holidays within the UK have been banned in case 10 Downing Street staff give in to the temptation to swim out to ships sailing past Ramsgate or Southend.
”We’re pretty sure French fishermen will be attempting to take unwitting and innocent English nationalists off the coasts of England,” the insider warned, “after which Macron will place them in a dungeon and torture them with the smell of freshly baked croissants. We could lose dozens of state secrets just like that.”
And don’t think a staycation will get you out of the door and home in front of the television either.
”We’ve already bugged all the staff’s homes. If they go home and talk about work they’ll just get in trouble. Best to stay in the office and push through till November. Everyone will be able to have time off then because of the sunlight on the uplands of Brexit.”
As to press speculation that the cancellation of leave is because a general election is planned, the insider had this to say,
”When Boris Johnson said there wouldn’t be a general election before Brexit he was talking bollocks. Obviously. Only a fool would have believed it, which is par for course for whatever he says.”
And what do the staff themselves think about the cancellation of their Leave?
”I thought Leave was supposed to mean Leave!” one shouted out in exasperation.